You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
