we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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