he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
