Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
