That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
