I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
