actually, I'm a sock model
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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