Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
