is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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