I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
