I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
