During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
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