If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
