forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
