He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
