I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
