happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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