Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
