just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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