My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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