never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she peed on how many people?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
