you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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