Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I didn't notice because vodka
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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