I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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