life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
