The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
