why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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