Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
