o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
