I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
