I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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