Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
