not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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