paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
