is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
do herpes really smell.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
