pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
