I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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