yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
