I am puke
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
