Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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