you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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