Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
