my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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