either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
