remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
