Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
