my phone needs a breathalizer
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
