He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
