now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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