someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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