Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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