...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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